The siege of jetlag

One of the few trivial things in life that have the ability to faze me is jetlag - as previously mentioned, I sleep well and also easily, and truth be told, I secretly (well, not anymore now that I'm sharing it here) think that sleep is a waste of time. Even over doing nothing, or rather, especially over doing nothing. 

So whenever I suffer any form of insomnia, I get SUPER grumpy.

Conversely, whenever I managed to hack jetlag during/after my travels, I'm exceptionally gleeful. It's like cheating fate, you know? 

The trick I've found, is that if you manage to adjust your sleep during the journey home, to the destination timezone, you can pretty much adapt within a day to the normal sleeping hours of the updated hours. But miss that crucial window, and you will be doomed to contend with it for at least five to seven days.

Alas, this last trip was not one of those where I managed to dodge the dread of the body obstinately refusing to register the updated timezone that it's now located. So for just over a week now, I've been hit by waves of sleepiness in the late morning to noon period, energy crash in the early evening, and then the eyes and brain being annoyingly awake from midnight through to the early morning. I feel like I'm hungover half the time, except that I didn't even have any fun imbibing alcohol, so it's pretty much the cost without the actual procurement. Zzzz. No fun. 

Thankfully, it's finally seeming to fade away so I'm feeling less like a zombie now. 

And no matter how tortured I was, it's still worth dealing with, for no matter how long or fleeting the time was, to cross borders into somewhere else, foreign or familiar. That's the travel bug woes I'm ever willing to shoulder. :p

mindless rant

Why, hello there strangers. :)


Where have I been? What have I been doing, or not doing? What are my grand plans for this year?


I've really ran out of words or excuses now. Just, life. Work. Random adulting stuff.


Each day is about getting by, one day at a time, hopefully with more items struck off my to do list than new ones piled on. With (even more) hopefully, minimal distractions and procrastination.


Rinse, repeat.


Breathe.


This daily grind takes the energy out of me, more mental than physical most days. And the flesh, is as weak as the spirit, so most evenings we all curl up on the couch or bed, refusing to think or do anything constructive.


UGH. It's no way to live, and I know I need to snap out of it.


Baby steps, it takes. I know.


Slowly, surely, I will reclaim my life, one teeny minute and mini-goal at a time.


Starting with this post. 😁

Adulting is hard

so says this woman (me) who has been legally one for some 1.5 decades. Face palm much?


What can I say - have been spared the full slew of responsible lifestyle choices, huge purchases and mortgages, till now, and with work often being at full load, breakneck speed, I can't help feeling a tad overwhelmed at times.


Bleah. Well, in the grand scheme of things, it's all really exciting and I do find it fun most of the time, except in certain moments when it all just feels a bit much.


So like the responsible mature adult I am, I suck it up and conjure a whingey post here, like the princess I am.


Still don't feel like an adult, oof.

Rant: Unspoken rules

I was livid earlier last week, and hated it. Not for my anger (some displeasures are warranted if one's principles or priorities are compromised), but more because it reflected a poor call of judgment on my part, and even more because the party who caused it was so nonchalant that it made me question myself if I was being petty.

So here is the petty tale:

A colleague returned me a paperback I had loaned her some nine months ago, with the poor book looking much worse for wear than the condition in which I had passed it to her. Sure, it wasn't in mint condition, but I was also dead sure it didn't look like I had dropped it in a bath or tossed it into an empty check-in luggage for a 20-hour flight with three layovers in between.

The woman didn't even had the cheek to pass it back to me in person, but left it on my desk while I was away.

And we sit in the same room, mind you.

W.T.F.

When I first saw the book on the table, it had taken a good five seconds to recognise that this piece of giam cai (dialect for salted mustard, a Chinese pickle that look like what a leafy veggie would look if you soaked it in brine for months - all wrinkly and scrunched up) is the book that I had, against my better judgment, loaned to her. You see, I am quite the selfish bookworm, I only lend my books to my closest friends. However, during a random chat, she was raving about the movie adaptation and how she really wanted to read the original book that the film was based on, and I thought, no harm since it wasn't exactly a prized possession. One should be a friendly colleague and trust other humans sometimes.

Big mistake. Pfft.

The aftermath: I spent a good half day texting and ranting about this to my closest galfriends, who were obviously equally appalled, and that helped soothe the ire a little - just this reassurance that I wasn't overreacting. These are people who take great care of their books, and handle loans with even more care and painstaking caution, from putting them in ziplock bags if they are commuting with these, to replacing a book if they so much as accidentally bent a tiny corner.

I started to understand why they say "Your vibe attracts your tribe." This was my tribe true and true, the fist-shaking bunch of book-lovers who cry murder if you deface a book with no good reason.

If you are shaking your head in bafflement while reading this post, please let me know. Not so I can explain to you the intricacies of what is wrong, but because we really need to reconsider our friendship (if I know you in real life). If we don't know each other, you can assure yourself that I am one of those annoying OCD types who is not worth knowing. :D

But yes, there you have it. There are unspoken rules that you may breach unknowingly in situations like these. There is no defense in saying "You didn't tell me this was unacceptable", simply because it is considered such a basic form of courtesy or respect for another being, that I didn't expect it necessary to state the conditions for a book loan.

If you don't understand that, you probably never will. *shrug*

And that's my petty tale. The irony? A few days later, a dear friend returned me a book she had loaned from me some 12 years ago. We used to see each other more often, but our busy schedules and her new and young family just made catching up much rarer in recent years. Yet, the book, which had gone through two house moves and raising three little infants/toddlers, was in the exact condition that I had passed it to her more than a decade ago.

You see now why I love my friends? 💕💕💕

Afternoon at the theatre

Caught Pangdemonium's production of The Pillowman with the galfriend and her partner over the weekend, and thoroughly enjoyed the dark tale told through the excellent cast and acting. I am going to be lazy and direct you to the dear galfriend's review on it to read more about the story and her take on it, since she did it so well. ;)

While the plot and central topics may seem heavy for a weekend matinee, I do rather like productions like these which draws one into deeper contemplations, rather than the usually light fluffy tales which seem to be generally more popular. That's perhaps why it struck me that a large handful of the audience at the theatre that day seemed almost desperate to find some lightheartedness in the midst of all the sardonicism onstage. That was the best explanation I could arrive at when being continually baffled by their laughter at various points of the play which I failed to comprehend. What was funny in watching a seemingly innocent man subjected to intimidation and ridicule by an inspector? There were points I wasn't sure if I was cringing in my seat because I was relating to how terrifying it must feel to be in that character's shoes, or at the inappropriate mirth of my fellow audience.

Bafflement aside, it's always a pleasure to attend Pangdemonium's productions, and this was no exception. Being fellow season pass holders also meant more choices to spend time in my favoured company, hehehe. This time around, we were not able to secure seats together due to the odd booking system now in place, but still managed to be in the same row. During intermission, we barely spoke, both staring and typing intently onto our phones bitching about the people around us, muahahaha. These covert antics we regularly get up to never fail to entertain me.

After the show, we took a casual stroll over to the nearby Tap for a quiet pint, before calling it an (early) evening. Nice, nice weekend. :)

Easy drinks (beers not pictured) and a stout float!

Quote of the day

“A strong woman looks a challenge dead in the eye and gives it a wink.” 

Gina Carey

Love, love, love.

That sass. YES. I aspire to have more of that.

Although I must say, I have had days when this quote would have made me laugh out loud, imagine myself winking so much that people may think I have developed a tick in my eye.

:p

Still, a good quote to keep in the memory bank, for recalling on days when the morale just needs that extra shove.

Troll dissection: Why you gotta be so rude??

No matter how hard I try, I can never understand the psyche of trolls - and I mean those on the internet, not the ugly fierce ones hiding under bridges in Norwegian fairy tales.

One of my first troll attacks was when a friend had posted a photo of us on a night out. Someone on her blog commented "Oh dear, that's some scary looking eyeshadow" about my choice of eye makeup. I replied, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then it's better to keep it to yourself." The blog owner actually responded chastising me, "Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion."

WOW. To this day I still haven't figured out which is the bigger troll between the two.

And then, i discovered that they are everywhere. Well, anywhere that there are humans, you are likely to encounter one. They seem to be attracted to crowds, pretending to blend in initially as a normal human being, and strike when the opportunity presents itself. o_O

I used to think they were just very unhappy people having perpetual bad days who happen to trawl the net to distract themselves from their misery, only to get incensed by people who appear to lead happy cheerful lives, sharing some bits of their joy online. It gives them some perverse relief from their nasty mood to spread some of their negativity, and take away some of the joy from the happy people.

And then I realised that there are actually entire communities of them who seem to dedicate the majority of their hours obsessed with the mission of stalking their targets' every move, then dissect it with glee amongst their troll community, delighting in conjectures and tearing apart every seemingly positive image shared.

Seriously?

Why do you care so much? How do you presume to deduce all these fantastical delusions of a person's character simply based on a snippet of their lives that they intentionally chose to put on their social media account? Why do you feel like you have the right to cast stones of judgment and diss how they curate their content? How do you get so consumed by a person whom you don't know in real life?

Most importantly, why are you so rude? Saying "no offense" doesn't give you the license to say something that's in bad spirit, because when you give that disclaimer, you must already know that whatever is coming out of your mouth next is offensive. Don't feign good intentions, because nobody needs to know what you think of their fashion sense, or makeup look, or caption. It's their space, their life, their choice. They probably truly don't give a damn about what you think.

I used to get annoyed by the sightings of trolls, but these days, I just feel sad for them. What a pathetic and wasteful existence they lead, stuck in a vicious cycle of negativity.

A quiet weekend afternoon

The weekend before AB's parents arrived, he was also away on business, so I had all the time to myself. Went to the gym, read, and ran a number of errands that I hadn't managed to complete in the course of the week.

I took some time to sit down at a cafe with a lovely kopi-o-siu-dai and the laptop to prepare for some upcoming meetings. Exciting meetings that present a bright light at the end of an increasingly claustrophobic feeling tunnel. Some days I rush along my tasks, focusing on value I can deliver so I don't get swallowed up by negativity, some days just feel so long and heavy, that I entertain the thought of just running away first to get myself out of the angst.

I realise that with age, I am no longer that carefree soul who just exits when she deems her current situation no longer viable in the long term. I have learnt to bode my time, calculate the pros and cons, and conclude that it's best to stay the course and just do more to help my case. I still continually work on delivering the best that I can, but I also do so without anymore inclination to find the next steps in this path. I will stay for as long as I can, but no longer than that.

On the other hand, this current opportunity feels like a refreshing gust of sunshine-infused breeze, reminding me of how I'd felt at the beginning of this dying journey. Energised, motivated, full of positive vibes. It's not just a potential ticket for my next destination, but also one that I truly am amped to get onto.

That's how my constant state should be, not the occasional bursts of satisfaction from being appreciated or seeing the value of my efforts.

Let's see then. :)

Fragrant black coffee and my trusty Air. :)

Don't they teach these anymore?

Every year, during the Chinese New Year visits when I meet the tiny human offsprings of my cousins, I will ponder about how our generation educate (or not) on the next generation, and the rationale behind that.

I try not to judge and keep an open mind, but at the same time, I am entitled to my opinion while I am also brought up to respect the sayings "Mind your own business" and "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't." Oof.

So I just quietly observe and silently judge. Hahaha.

Frankly this doesn't just apply to my (extended) family, but because we were brought up with rather similar values and behavioural rules, I guess I'd expected that things that were taught to our generation as basic courtesy, and the importance of showing respect to the elders, would have also been passed onto their children. I remembered days of big family gatherings, where the children, upon arrival, would walk through the house to greet all the elders, preferably in order of seniority. Same applies at mealtimes, and when we are bidding our farewells.

It's tedious, but I never felt that it was unnecessary, and can understand the significance of it. Even as a really reserved and shy child, I would go about doing all these despite my discomfort, because it was the minimal required etiquette in my family. Even the sister, who is even more reserved than me, and has a harder time recognising most of our relatives because she saw them much less frequently, having been born at a time when we no longer meet regularly, would strategise to tag behind me to know how to greet each person we meet. No excuses. 

Fast forward to recent years, when we encounter the littles at relatives' place or family gatherings. The kids are all in their own world, either only sticking to the parentals or playing amongst themselves. and you would be told you are "lucky" if they actually greeted you. When the inclination strikes them, the parents make some half-hearted attempts to nudge their children to greet the relatives. When the kids resolutely keep quiet, they merely shrug and wryly explained, "They are shy" and left it as that.

Sure. I wouldn't be inclined to greet people I hardly see for more than once a year either, but more importantly, if I am not taught that it's important to do so, I wouldn't think it's something I need to either.

It just begs the question, "So you don't think it's important to greet your family members, and at least make a greater effort to recognise some of these relatives whom you already don't see often?" Or is it simply because you are too lazy to teach such values, only to lament that "Children these days are so hard to discipline." Okaaay.

I acknowledge that their generation is much less socially adept than even my generation - being born in a time and age where technology dictates that you learn to interact with others using your thumbs, behind a screen most of the time, definitely mean you are subjected much less to face to face interactions, but surely that's a reason to work even harder to ensure the right behaviours are taught so your children don't end up even more socially inept than they could be?

Perhaps I'm being a tad unfair since I'm not in their shoes, nor a parent myself. It's probably tougher to implement such teachings than I thought, but I know one thing. If I ever become a parent (not that even that is a given!), this is something that will be really important to me - I will not have my children be labelled as rude disrespectful brats simply because they are "shy". Because it only reflects on the type of education I subject them to, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I can't even teach my child(ren) what I define as basic manners. :p

(Although to be honest that's one of the reasons why I'm not inclined at all to have children - it's so much work! Not only to feed and clothe them and send them to school, but the type of upbringing I will subject them to that's acceptable to me.)

There I've said it. Another ranty post but I'm so glad I could finally air these thoughts which lurk at the back of my mind every year. It's not polite but at least I'm not saying it to their face. That's just what my parents taught me as courtesy. Heh.

blue withdrawal

Currently bemoaning the lack of ready access to a pool - the one at AB's place is undergoing renovation for all of this month, which will only be completed by end of the month.

I have been thoroughly spoilt by this pool - while it's a tad smaller than an Olympic sized one, it's of a nice size and shape that's conducive to my preferred swim duration of 30-45 minutes. Many happy afternoons and a handful of mornings/evenings were spent in it, typically for 40-50 laps, just enough to feel that lovely stretch in the limbs, and still be refreshed, not exhausted after. I do remember very occasionally completing some 70 laps in it, particularly craving that slight tremor in the muscles as I emerge from the pool. Have yet to attempt a full 100 laps though. Heh.

Obviously I didn't get to do any swimming in December, and obviously the construction would take place this month, not while I was away, since Murphy just loves me. Ah well, it's just going to be a week or so more to go. They better complete the works in time! *scrowls*

I miss my favourite sport, even if I sound quite annoying whinging about it. It's not even a real problem after all. Should I really desire, I could just go to a public pool to get my fix. It's seriously not that far to travel. Plus, I have many other choice exertions that I enjoy too - running, gym, yoga, and if all else fails, I can do my own home workouts too. I truly have no reason to grumble, other than being in a self-indulgent "brat" mode. :p

Counting down to the end of Jan! Hopefully I won't be tsking at myself for not utilising the pool enough then.

emo-blue