Recounting 2022: Rekindling life

For a couple years now, in addition to a list of aspirations/resolutions I set at the beginning of each year, I've also reflected and decided on a word for the year. It's a theme of sorts that also aligned said list, to zoom in on what I wanted to priortise for that year. 

For last year, the word that resonated with me the most, was "Rekindle". That was what I wanted to focus on, as several areas in my life felt stagnant and stuck in a rut. Nothing was in dire states, but I had been feeling an increasing restlessless, not completely unrelated to the widespread sentiment of "languish" linked to the ongoing global pandemic, which apparently many in the world were experiencing.

Boy, did the universe hear me and decide to help me out in achieving that, in nearly all areas of my life.

Career wise, I had taken a leap of faith to accept a new position in November 2021 which was not a career switch per se, but a specialist role rather than the generalist function I had established my résumé on for the most part of my career. However, this change felt right, and over the course of the year, my decision was further affirmed by all the projects and tasks I undertook. I got to hone various skills that I'd wanted to but didn't have the resources nor time for in my previous positions. The team I was in was incredible, with every single colleague being amazing team players, and who all genuinely like and respect one another, with leadership that not only values each member's individual strengths, but constantly nurtures and provides opportunity catered to each of our best interests. A year in, I am motivated and enjoy my work much more than I've had in a long time.

On the relationship front, I've already touched on that in the year summary so I won't go into much more details, but suffice to say that I've gotten to repair several failings and potholes in some key relationships, and also devoted more time and attention to friendships that have taken the backseat while everyone withdrew into a hermit-like existence over the past years. I certainly learnt that rather than an anti-social whom I had self-identified as for years, I was really a selective-social. I don't like all humans, but there are specific individuals whom I love very much and will ration much more time for, as opposed to superficial socialities that I have extremely finite patience towards. 

For personal interests and development, I finally decided to stop procrastination and multitasking, and properly spend time on two things for recreation/exercise: dance, which I've always loved but kinda dropped off; and cycling, which I finally started to get the hang of some 7 years ago, but never properly worked on. For dance, I devoted time to the most preferred dance styles, taking technical classes and also going for socials to just enjoy the dance. I also ventured into a new genre which has brought much pleasure and fun into my regime. For cycling, I've started from the foldie to commute bike and graduated to being able to ride comfortably on my road bike, with my target average of 30km/h achieved by year end. Huge pats on my own back, if I do say so myself. 😁

With all KPIs on target, I'm rather pleased to declare Rekindle a wild success. 

On to the next chapter. Word of the year for 2023? 

Nurture.

Let's go. :)

Proudest: I can do hard things.

mindless rant

Why, hello there strangers. :)


Where have I been? What have I been doing, or not doing? What are my grand plans for this year?


I've really ran out of words or excuses now. Just, life. Work. Random adulting stuff.


Each day is about getting by, one day at a time, hopefully with more items struck off my to do list than new ones piled on. With (even more) hopefully, minimal distractions and procrastination.


Rinse, repeat.


Breathe.


This daily grind takes the energy out of me, more mental than physical most days. And the flesh, is as weak as the spirit, so most evenings we all curl up on the couch or bed, refusing to think or do anything constructive.


UGH. It's no way to live, and I know I need to snap out of it.


Baby steps, it takes. I know.


Slowly, surely, I will reclaim my life, one teeny minute and mini-goal at a time.


Starting with this post. 😁

Secret Single Behaviour: Cat in human form

Sometimes I feel like I'm a cat.

Or maybe, I just wish I was one.

Just as an example, one of my favourite sneaky things to get up to when left to my own devices, is to get a nice small platter of supermarket sashimi, come home and quietly relish each luscious slice in silence. No music, no videos or books required. Just me and my fish.

And then I curl up on the couch with a book in hand, or a glass of whisky, or both. For those few quiet hours that belong to just me and one of my all-time bffs, also me.

That's what I would call a divine evening. 

I count my lucky stars for my mediocre tastebuds that can be satisfied sometimes with cheap sashimi, although I can of course tell the difference between that and the really good stuff in my preferred Japanese restaurants.

And then I feel thankful that I am one of those select few for whom solitude is not merely tolerated, but actually craved from time to time. People like us, are rarely ever lonely, or bored. How cool is that?

Did I just spend this post celebrating myself? Perhaps. And that's probably why I yearn the life of a cat. To think like that, all the time. ;)

Happy meal - meow

My favourite rude English words

I was originally going to title this post as "My favourite English words", and write about those funny words that I just love reading, or saying. They are so apt and conjure up such hilarious imagery, that they never fail to crack me up in those instances.

And then as I started making a list of these words, I realised that the majority of them are just perfect for scolding people who annoy, irritate or disgust you (or rather, me), depending on the context or the character deformity.

Oops. 

Oh well, I did already proclaim that I is not a "nice" person, eh?

At least I never call them these names out loud - these are just unwitting adjectives that float into my consciousness when interacting with such beings, and they really serve three fantastic purposes - firstly, my slightly OCD brain can have a proper label for the offending personnel, and therefore, it helps to somewhat mollify the angst or ire they induced, from the satisfaction of a perfect label (that's the second purpose). Finally, and perhaps most importantly, these auto-reflexes often keep me from imploding at said nuisances, and help re-calibrate my emotional equilibrium.

Who knew that a good vocabulary can offer such utility?

Anyway, here are those famed favourites, in alphabetical order. Feel free to share yours too, I would love to know (and possibly add to the repertoire)! FYI the last one is my absolute fave. Hahaha.

Heh, while I think most of these are pretty self-explanatory, I thought it might be helpful (and fun!) to look up the definitions on my favourite dictionary these days, the Merriam Webster.

Ass-wipe: vulgar slang -  a stupid, annoying, or detestable person. (Plural: asswipes)
Buffoon: a gross and usually ill-educated or stupid person 
Douchebag: an unattractive or offensive person 
Lowlife:  a person of low moral character
Ludicrous:  amusing or laughable through obvious absurdity, incongruity, exaggeration, or eccentricity
Nincompoop: fool, simpleton (related form: nincompoopery)
Numbskull: a thick or muddled head

Going through this list, I laughed but shuddered at how it shows the frequency I meet such persons that these words actually come readily to mind.

Hi, I'm Nice, Notvery Nice

Despite my lofty ambition to be kinder this year, I have to confess that I'm struggling quite a bit, especially the whole "be nice to people whom I don't share the same values or beliefs with" resolution. Of course I'm not talking about random strangers or criminals we read about in the news, but humans I actually have to physically interact with on a regular basis, often involuntarily.

It really boils down to how I judge people - I set some pretty high standards and expectations on being professionally and socially appropriate which I apply universally, and when I feel that a person compromises those standards, they unwittingly get downgraded in the "Bmuse chart of human integrity". Not that it would matter to them, since they wouldn't have a clue. I rarely show my disdain openly, and usually take pains to be ultra civil to these individuals. Only cause you know, that's part of the standards I set for myself.

Same applies to people who are not consistent in their behaviour or come across as lacking in candour in their dealings with others. Call it survival instincts or what you may, but people who come across as having an agenda when they are being nice or complimentary, just make my skin crawl. I make sure to stay a mile away and regard everything they say or do with a huge dose of skepticism.

Ultimately, I am sorry (but not really) that I just don't have the capacity to expand any generosity beyond what I deem to be acceptable, nothing more, nothing less. *shrugs* it may very well be a broken resolution, but so be it then.

I acknowledge that I am not a very nice person after all, but it's not the end of the world. Surely there are worse things than being completely civil but with a touch of frost. :p