Sunday, March 27, 2022

New(ish) year, old me

Not sure if it's just the demographics of my peers (ie aging ajummas like me), but increasingly, I've been noticing a trend of fatigue towards the whole "new year, new me" phenomena that used to be so popular everytime the year ends/starts. 

As the title of this post suggests, I'm still obstinately in the whole "review the past year, and set new resolutions" mindset. In fact I tend to do a "big" review twice a year, probably because my birthday falls nicely in the mid-year point and that's another time that I like to reflect on what I have achieved and set new goals (or refresh old ones) for the rest of the calendar or birth year. 

The main change I have observed in myself though, is more grace and kindness in accepting when I don't always achieve everything I set out to accomplish; or allowing myself to set the same priorities year after year. Simply put, the things that are important to me are not likely to change over time, the main thing that I try to change up now is to try and vary my approach, to troubleshoot what hasn't worked before. 

So true to my form, here are the key resolutions I have set myself for the (not so) new year:

- Staying active: Keeping the momentum of healthy habits I have set for myself for daily activity, gradually increasing my daily steps target (have upped that from 10k to 11k earlier this year), rebuild the strength I've lost from slacking off due to various issues the past years, and achieve some performance goals like doing at least 1 pull up and achieving a full split by the end of the year.

- Social connections: Quality > quantity as always. I've fallen off on keeping in touch with some close friends over the whole pandemic period which was strange overall for everyone, and am looking to rekindle some of these friendships while also reinforcing some newer friendships that have been magically forged in recent years too.

- Interests: Keep putting time into things I love and enjoy doing, with greater consistency but also more reasonable targets. Trying to do everything all at once just never worked for me so I really should recognise that I am not a bot who can fully utilise every minute of every waking hour. Haha. A couple of these include writing, music, dance and yoga. Did I say I was trying to be realistic?? Ah well, let's see how we go. 

- Self development: Setting some targets for myself to learn and improve my skills and knowledge too. Professionally I would like to learn to develop better project management and leadership skills, and fortuitously I'm actually in a place that this is something I have room, space and support to do that. Personally it's probably more in the crafting and language arena, the former for pleasure and the latter for utility in picking up that third language of French to better converse with the man and his family/friends. 

That's the main bulk of it, I think. Like I said, the key thing I'm trying to change this year is to be more specific on how I plan to fulfill these, but with a huge dose of patience - it doesn't matter if I start later than expected - the most important thing is to actually start, then keep it up. Hence me sharing this only now - I'm allowing my "year" to start proper in Q2, with the first 3 months as erm, warm up. Time is relative anyway right? Heehee. 

Let's see how we go this year. With luck you may actually get a review of this on this space in December this year. Excited. :) 

Sunday, February 06, 2022

New update: The love for routine

Pretty much since I've had a conscientious presence of mind, I've abhorred routine and organisation. I don't know why nor how, but I've always detested it, preferring to be spontaneous, reactive and living my best life when I feel like I don't know what's around the corner, or the next day. 

I took pride in being a "free spirit" and thrived on "adaptability". Predictability was a dirty, dirty word in my dictionary in four decades of existence. 

So imagine my horror to realise sometime last year, that I was actually starting to appreciate, and dare I say, love routine. *gasp* 

Me. This person I knew intimately, who used to happily bring all her textbooks and worksheets to school daily rather than pack her bag the previous night, way back since primary school years. 

Nowadays, I actually derive satisfaction from preparing my outfit for the next day and my work/workout bag each evening before bed. I have my specific morning routines down pat, depending on whether it's a weekday that I work from home or the office, or a weekend - workouts, morning walks, and the default kopi-o and eggs for breakfast. Who am I?! 

Perhaps it comes from finally becoming an adult, and grudgingly acknowledging that being organised and prepared is really not a bad thing after all. It also stems from my self-awareness that I am really, really NOT a morning person, so anything I can do the night before that makes it less painful and arduous to start my day, is an act of kindness from present me to future me. 

After so long, I finally understood why my mum nagged and nagged me to always prepare for the next day before I go to bed. :p Hurhurhur.

Whatever it is, after a few weeks of feeling a twinge of guilt for betraying that younger me, I learnt to appreciate and embrace this newfound habit of being predictable and organised. After all, it still serves my innate laziness, and that freedom of not having to expend more braincells because I've already done the preparation, is a pretty freeing and pleasing feeling. Do what's best for me, yada yada. 

In essence, I'm still me, lah. Just with a significant update in my OS, which has proven to improve efficiency and minimised some glitches. Heh.

Monday, July 12, 2021

Rainbow kisses


The sweetest boy
Dear Pistol,

My very first (fur)godson. Through all the years I've seen and heard about you, I will always remember how you are such a forever puppy, so exuberant and full of passion and life, and crazily smart. You are the best friend to your mom for all the times that I couldn't be, and I can always feel her heart bursting with love and pride whenever she regales me with all your antics, from the little pup who learnt how to turn on her heater yourself when she is at school, to embarrassing her on her walk with you in town by stopping strategically in front of luxury boutiques to relieve yourself, to how you would "train" your signature flop to prepare for when Godma comes to visit, because you were told that I prefer cats over dogs. 

I'm not sure if you ever knew, but as much as I often show you a stoic face despite all your efforts to charm me when I visit, you melt my heart with how simply loving and adoring you are to your pawrents, and also to this rather cold Godma. Sorry that I didn't get to see you one more time before you joined Bullet at the rainbow bridge, but while I shed a tear of goodbye today for you, I am immensely glad that you got to live such a happy joyful life. You had the best pawrents, and I know they love you so much and deeply that it truly shattered their heart to bid you goodbye even though they know it's time. 

I have been dreading this day, but now that it's arrived, I send you off with all my love and wishes. Run free like puppies and chase all the balls like you always did. Say hi to Bullet and enjoy being reunited with your forever love. Watch over your mummy and daddy, they will miss you so much.

Thank you for loving me, so very much, and I hope you know I love you in my very subdued way. 


Wednesday, January 01, 2020

Into '20, and closer to 40

Honestly, I really didn't think too much about the significance of a new decade. 2020 is but another year to me, although of course it has a nice ring to it. The title of this post is a mere effort to find some meaning or rhyme of sorts to mark the start of this year (and my last year as a thirty-something).

Dare I proclaim yet another attempt at more consistent blogging? I do make an exercise of determining some areas that I would like to continue working on, to better the best version of myself which is a constant ongoing process. And despite what I just said about time being a transient concept, the brain has been wired to take the start/end of a year as a time of reflection - a useful checkpoint of sorts to look back on achievements and growths, challenges and heartbreaks. I celebrate all the blessings and friendships I still maintain (or even lost), and give thanks for all the memories and experiences gained.

Rather than bore you with the full list of resolutions I've made, here's the summary of my so-called theme of this new year: to maximise the limited hours I have each day, by spending it wisely on things and people that matter the most. Each minute should (to my best effort), either bring joy (or at least some value) to someone else, or at the very least to myself.

And yes, blogging/writing qualifies (at least in bringing myself joy, lah). Heh.

Whether you are one who sets resolutions, my best wishes to you: for a year of strength, health, adventures and love.

2020, let's go.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Testing a new route

Trying out a new routine, just to see if it helps me establish some habits that I keep wanting to reinstate in my life, only to fail time and again.

My main weakness is simply that of my own. The lack of self-discipline and will, to do what I need to, and not just give in to all manners of senseless distractions that deliver no value whatsoever. 

So rather than trying to leap straight to a disciplined routine, I decided that what I need might just be to put myself in a situation where I am much less likely to be distracted. 

If I can't get to my destination via this same route that I keep taking and wandering from, then perhaps this roundabout, apparently less efficient one might work. Getting there using more time and effort is better than just not getting there at all, no?

So here I am, sitting at a coffeehouse, plugged into my earphones and drafting my first blogpost in five months. 

It feels good. It feels hopeful. Let's hope it sticks. 

I may have to finally stop judging people who sit at cafes with their laptops. And acknowledge they are the true wise ones who knew better all along.