Tuesday, June 26, 2018

too smooth

I've always prided myself on being quite a "gritty" individual, who is resilient and adaptable to change.

After all, most things I've achieved in my nearly 40 years of existence have been accomplished through working hard and putting in the effort and sticking with the end goal in mind. I could barely remember any incidence where anything was handed to me on a platter. Mind you, I say that with no measure of resentment though (well maybe just a teeny bit). I love that I have the drive to be what I want to be, to be able to say that I've worked for nearly everything, material or not, that I have.

Lately however, I keep feeling that grit smoothening out. It's like what happens to sandpaper when you keep using it - even the toughest ones will lose that abrasiveness. It just seems more and more like a chore to muster up that "hustle", quieten the ever rambling mind and just zero in on what needs to be done, step by step, task by task.

It's just too easy to let the cheeky procrastination monkeys take over and rampage all over the overcrowded to-dos packed in this tiny brain of mine.

It's a battle that I used to win much more easily, this internal fight between the sensible adult and the petulant child. How is it that as I get older, that inner brat seems to be triumphing over the inner voice of reason? TSK.

It's almost like I've achieved that outer level of ultimate Zen, where nothing fazes me. Not even when time is running out and I have a trillion things to do.

I need to rekindle that sense of mild panic, if only for the purpose of spurring me into actual action, and not just idly watching and deciding to settle for less - achieve less, do less, care less.

Guess that's that infamous mid-life crisis?

It's no way to live, all that time wasted away on meaningless drivel when it could have been utilised either doing activities that actually bring joy, or improve oneself. Time is no longer a luxury and I really need to learn to use it more prudently.

When all the previously tried and tested methods to beat this inner evil sloth fail, it simply means it's time to try out some new approaches and motivational methods.

Not giving up. You can hide, but I will find you, grit. And have fun doing it. Just you wait.

See you, eventually, if not soon. 

Monday, June 04, 2018

refreshed mantra

"Do what makes you happy."
"Live the life you love."
"Love the life you live."
Yada yada yada.

Simple enough statements, that seem to distill that basic human instinct for the pursuit of happiness.

That, would be the key objective which one strives towards, I guess?

Of course, there are various deeper questions behind this: what makes you happy, how do you define happiness, and how do you (or should you) draw a line between hedonistic pleasures versus altruistic satisfaction from doing good for others and the society, etc.

Ultimately, it still comes down to living a life with purpose. Not just knowing what you want to do or accomplish, but that these goals are aligned with one's values and priorities in life.

That, is what I need to reflect and recalibrate my life on.

Monday, February 19, 2018

mindless rant

Why, hello there strangers. :)

Where have I been? What have I been doing, or not doing? What are my grand plans for this year?

I've really ran out of words or excuses now. Just, life. Work. Random adulting stuff.

Each day is about getting by, one day at a time, hopefully with more items struck off my to do list than new ones piled on. With (even more) hopefully, minimal distractions and procrastination.

Rinse, repeat.


This daily grind takes the energy out of me, more mental than physical most days. And the flesh, is as weak as the spirit, so most evenings we all curl up on the couch or bed, refusing to think or do anything constructive.

UGH. It's no way to live, and I know I need to snap out of it.

Baby steps, it takes. I know.

Slowly, surely, I will reclaim my life, one teeny minute and mini-goal at a time.

Starting with this post. 😁

Friday, December 08, 2017

Surprise supermarket find

Chanced across this in the chilled foods section while browsing the aisles of Meidi-ya at Liang Court, and had to give it a try. Eggs are one of my dietary staples and faves, and chawanmushi has to be among the top eggy dishes I favour.

It's quite legit! Has the same silky custardy texture that the usual restaurant versions have, just that I was having it cold (was too lazy to heat up LOL), but it was still really yummy.

Heh, perfect for those days when I just want to have sashimi, some cold edamame (available from the same mart, just wash straight out of the packet and sprinkle some salt!), glass of ocha (or sake). Yay. Simple fuss-free meal done.


Thursday, December 07, 2017

Not vain enough

"Is that even possible?" Some of you close to this vainpot may wonder, reading this title. Heeheehee.

Afterall, I am a self-proclaimedaware one. The many habits I have due to this trait has been prevalent since I was a toddler (probably also when I was an infant but I haven't heard any anecdotal evidence, and I can't remember that far back, so let's just say it started since I was really conscious of my appearance). I have long since accepted that I care about how I look and present myself, and fully embrace that most of the time.

Those last few words are critical, because I have a theory: Not all vainpots are made equal. Some are more vain than others, and what we are vain about differs.

For instance, as much as I like to look good, most days than not, I barely bother with putting on much makeup on a daily basis - sure I do the basics like fill in my barely there brows, swipe on some lippie, and if I'm feeling diligent I will put on some eyeliner, just so I look presentable. To me that's basic courtesy to fellow humans around me, not even about looking good.

That's not the same as the next vainpot who spends half an hour or more in the morning to put on proper makeup, such that when you look at her in the morning, you see someone who takes proper pride in her appearance, and cares enough about how they look to actually devote time to beautify themselves.

By the same vein (hehehe) of logic, I care enough about makeup and sometimes fashion to make the effort on those fronts. But for the life of me, as much as I admire people who can style their hair in a variety of looks - curls, braids, buns, accessories etc, I can never quite muster up the effort to do anything about my hair, beyond what's practical or functional. I keep wanting to, because I think it always looks so chic whenever one puts just the merest effort with their tresses, but I never really get round to actually mastering anything elaborate.

There really isn't a rhyme or logic to this post, just my random musing inspired by my hair which was done for a recent dance performance, where I got it professionally styled, then looked at the results, and bemoaned my lack of interest to learn how to do this myself. "Not vain enough," I tsked. :o

Nice right?? Sigh