Monday, July 12, 2021

Rainbow kisses


The sweetest boy
Dear Pistol,

My very first (fur)godson. Through all the years I've seen and heard about you, I will always remember how you are such a forever puppy, so exuberant and full of passion and life, and crazily smart. You are the best friend to your mom for all the times that I couldn't be, and I can always feel her heart bursting with love and pride whenever she regales me with all your antics, from the little pup who learnt how to turn on her heater yourself when she is at school, to embarrassing her on her walk with you in town by stopping strategically in front of luxury boutiques to relieve yourself, to how you would "train" your signature flop to prepare for when Godma comes to visit, because you were told that I prefer cats over dogs. 

I'm not sure if you ever knew, but as much as I often show you a stoic face despite all your efforts to charm me when I visit, you melt my heart with how simply loving and adoring you are to your pawrents, and also to this rather cold Godma. Sorry that I didn't get to see you one more time before you joined Bullet at the rainbow bridge, but while I shed a tear of goodbye today for you, I am immensely glad that you got to live such a happy joyful life. You had the best pawrents, and I know they love you so much and deeply that it truly shattered their heart to bid you goodbye even though they know it's time. 

I have been dreading this day, but now that it's arrived, I send you off with all my love and wishes. Run free like puppies and chase all the balls like you always did. Say hi to Bullet and enjoy being reunited with your forever love. Watch over your mummy and daddy, they will miss you so much.

Thank you for loving me, so very much, and I hope you know I love you in my very subdued way. 


Wednesday, January 01, 2020

Into '20, and closer to 40

Honestly, I really didn't think too much about the significance of a new decade. 2020 is but another year to me, although of course it has a nice ring to it. The title of this post is a mere effort to find some meaning or rhyme of sorts to mark the start of this year (and my last year as a thirty-something).

Dare I proclaim yet another attempt at more consistent blogging? I do make an exercise of determining some areas that I would like to continue working on, to better the best version of myself which is a constant ongoing process. And despite what I just said about time being a transient concept, the brain has been wired to take the start/end of a year as a time of reflection - a useful checkpoint of sorts to look back on achievements and growths, challenges and heartbreaks. I celebrate all the blessings and friendships I still maintain (or even lost), and give thanks for all the memories and experiences gained.

Rather than bore you with the full list of resolutions I've made, here's the summary of my so-called theme of this new year: to maximise the limited hours I have each day, by spending it wisely on things and people that matter the most. Each minute should (to my best effort), either bring joy (or at least some value) to someone else, or at the very least to myself.

And yes, blogging/writing qualifies (at least in bringing myself joy, lah). Heh.

Whether you are one who sets resolutions, my best wishes to you: for a year of strength, health, adventures and love.

2020, let's go.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Testing a new route

Trying out a new routine, just to see if it helps me establish some habits that I keep wanting to reinstate in my life, only to fail time and again.

My main weakness is simply that of my own. The lack of self-discipline and will, to do what I need to, and not just give in to all manners of senseless distractions that deliver no value whatsoever. 

So rather than trying to leap straight to a disciplined routine, I decided that what I need might just be to put myself in a situation where I am much less likely to be distracted. 

If I can't get to my destination via this same route that I keep taking and wandering from, then perhaps this roundabout, apparently less efficient one might work. Getting there using more time and effort is better than just not getting there at all, no?

So here I am, sitting at a coffeehouse, plugged into my earphones and drafting my first blogpost in five months. 

It feels good. It feels hopeful. Let's hope it sticks. 

I may have to finally stop judging people who sit at cafes with their laptops. And acknowledge they are the true wise ones who knew better all along. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

too smooth

I've always prided myself on being quite a "gritty" individual, who is resilient and adaptable to change.

After all, most things I've achieved in my nearly 40 years of existence have been accomplished through working hard and putting in the effort and sticking with the end goal in mind. I could barely remember any incidence where anything was handed to me on a platter. Mind you, I say that with no measure of resentment though (well maybe just a teeny bit). I love that I have the drive to be what I want to be, to be able to say that I've worked for nearly everything, material or not, that I have.

Lately however, I keep feeling that grit smoothening out. It's like what happens to sandpaper when you keep using it - even the toughest ones will lose that abrasiveness. It just seems more and more like a chore to muster up that "hustle", quieten the ever rambling mind and just zero in on what needs to be done, step by step, task by task.

It's just too easy to let the cheeky procrastination monkeys take over and rampage all over the overcrowded to-dos packed in this tiny brain of mine.

It's a battle that I used to win much more easily, this internal fight between the sensible adult and the petulant child. How is it that as I get older, that inner brat seems to be triumphing over the inner voice of reason? TSK.

It's almost like I've achieved that outer level of ultimate Zen, where nothing fazes me. Not even when time is running out and I have a trillion things to do.

I need to rekindle that sense of mild panic, if only for the purpose of spurring me into actual action, and not just idly watching and deciding to settle for less - achieve less, do less, care less.

Guess that's that infamous mid-life crisis?

It's no way to live, all that time wasted away on meaningless drivel when it could have been utilised either doing activities that actually bring joy, or improve oneself. Time is no longer a luxury and I really need to learn to use it more prudently.

When all the previously tried and tested methods to beat this inner evil sloth fail, it simply means it's time to try out some new approaches and motivational methods.

Not giving up. You can hide, but I will find you, grit. And have fun doing it. Just you wait.

See you, eventually, if not soon. 

Monday, June 04, 2018

refreshed mantra

"Do what makes you happy."
"Live the life you love."
"Love the life you live."
Yada yada yada.

Simple enough statements, that seem to distill that basic human instinct for the pursuit of happiness.

That, would be the key objective which one strives towards, I guess?

Of course, there are various deeper questions behind this: what makes you happy, how do you define happiness, and how do you (or should you) draw a line between hedonistic pleasures versus altruistic satisfaction from doing good for others and the society, etc.

Ultimately, it still comes down to living a life with purpose. Not just knowing what you want to do or accomplish, but that these goals are aligned with one's values and priorities in life.

That, is what I need to reflect and recalibrate my life on.