Theme song 2022

Just feeling like remembering here, the song that Spotify smugly told me was my most played song in 2022. Indeed it was, heavy heavy rotation. I'm one who can identify with a song for a certain phase or scenario and play it over and over, to help me get through it. And even if it's the most basic pop song, it sometimes really did.

<那些你很冒險的夢> 
林俊傑

當兩顆心開始震動
當你瞳孔學會閃躲
當愛慢慢被遮住只剩下黑
距離像影子被拉拖

當愛的故事剩聽說
我找不到你單純的面孔
當生命每分每秒都為你轉動
心多執著就加倍心痛

那些你很冒險的夢 我陪你去瘋
摺紙飛機 碰到雨天 終究會墜落
太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重
你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

當愛的故事剩聽說
我找不到你單純的面孔
當生命每分每秒都為你轉動
心有多執著就加倍心痛

那些你很冒險的夢 我陪你去瘋
摺紙飛機 碰到雨天 終究會墜落
太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重
你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

我不想放手 你鬆開的左手
你愛的放縱 我白不回天空
我輸了 累了 當你再也不回頭

那些你很冒險的夢 我陪你去瘋
摺紙飛機 碰到雨天 終究會墜落
太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重
你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

你真的不懂 我的愛已降落

Update: Change in designation

I realised that I've skipped over a significant life update when resuming my posts (this most recent round, which let's face it, is a common offense for me, ha!) - the update of AB's designation. 

After a good five years of holding that position, we promoted/updated him from AB to a more permanent position of AH. The promotion aspect is slightly dubious, since it doesn't really involve more benefits. In fact, he doesn't get additional days off (not as if that's even a benefit in the first place) but it does come with more official responsibilities and liabilities. Hmm. 

Well, I'd argue that this being a more permanent position and tangible bond to *me* counts as a perk for him. Heehee. 

It wasn't without event though - the later part of the year past was a little shaky on both our parts, but fortunately (again, a point of contention depending on who is assessing the situation), we are on more stable ground now, so it looks like this new(ish) designation is sticking for a while, although kind of under observation, just to be sure. 

In all honesty, it's unchartered waters for both of us, but part of the fun/challenge is figuring out what works for both of us, and learning to evolve and grow together, not apart. Teamwork, essentially. Like any relationship, it needs both parties to be committed to it for things to work, and I'm glad that we are on the same page for that now.

There really isn't a real point of providing this update, since I don't think it really matters nor make a difference to readers of this blog, but it's just so it makes sense in my head when I use the new title when referencing him. So, just FYI, for what it's worth. :)

卢森堡庆圣诞

这次到卢森堡过圣诞，格外感触。走过的一年太多起伏，大家都似乎有些心力交瘁，但至少最后到了年尾，最忐忑的困境终于也多少平复了，还真的有种如释重负的感觉。

法国传统庆圣诞，是注重前夕的大餐，就像华人农历的年夜饭：一家团圆，围桌享用盛餐，欢庆度过的一年。

家婆的厨艺精湛，所以在准备晚餐时，我可不敢插手帮忙，以免帮倒忙，只得安分守己地帮忙布置餐桌，客厅等。所幸她热爱圣诞的程度可称"疯狂"无愧，各种大小装饰品，小灯泡等样样齐全，我随意把不同的饰品拼凑一起，也看来似模似样，还算看得过去，呵呵。

如往年，这一餐一坐下就吃上七个小时，比跑马拉松还长，哈哈。但大家吃吃喝喝聊聊，时间还真的似箭，不知不觉已凌晨两点。我们各饱而不撑，带着暖暖的肚腩入睡。

圣诞，快乐

About a boy and his duck

One of my favourite things when interacting with AB’s parents was hearing tales of him growing up. Through these stories, I learnt that this man is the way he is not so much due to the way he was brought up, but really because that’s just his nature - this headstrong character with a will of steel, who, once he determines a goal or target that he sets for himself, will pursue it with unwavering focus until he achieves it.

But this is not a post about his titanium resolve - it’s a much more endearing, simple one about a boy and one of his first pets, a duck. Considering how much the French love eating ducks, you can imagine my surprise hearing about it at first. Now AB had mentioned it in passing, but was pretty scanty on details, so it was such a treat to hear about the adventures they had with this pet from AB’s mum, as she regaled me with how they came about to adopt a duck as a household pet. An amazing narrator, she would often gesture with her hands at the funny parts, pause for dramatic effect to achieve just the right amount of suspense, her eyes sparkling with mirth s she relived those precious memories. Ever so often, she would throw in sound effects to mimick the “conversations” even. I was entranced.

So it all came about when AB and his younger brother were still toddlers, and tagged along for a groceries trip with the mother. At the market, they had chanced upon a stall with ducklings, and the two boys were simply mesmerised by the cute fluffy yellow blobs. “Oh mama, they are so beautiful!” they exclaimed (hearts in their eyes). The kind mother melted and agreed to buy one home for them. And thus they picked out a particularly cute little duckling, packed in a small box and made their way home. Barring a minor mishap there the little terrified duckling attempted a prison break, briefly succeeded but nearly killed itself in the process (it decided to hide under the brake pedal!), they managed to make it home, and there, they started a life together (also earning the repute of “that family with a duck” in the neighbourhood.

As it grew, the duck became fast mates with the two boys. They loved chasing each other around the house, watching tv together on the couch (but only before mealtime so as to keep the couch safe from accidental organic decorations), and every morning, it was a race to the car as the boys had to outrun the duck so they could make the journey to school without the clucking companion. Saturnin (named after an apparently popular French canard explorer children tv series character) was not only known to the children though. It was a really sociable one who lived up to its name. It loved waddling out to the mailbox each morning as the mother went to collect the mail, and listened in as the neighbours chatted on news and gossip - this was a polite duckies, only quacking in acknowledgment when told that the conversation was over and it’s time to go home. It would also go to the bus stop every evening when the bus dropping AB’s dad from work comes by to wait for him and escort him home. To add to the charm, Saturnin is also a believer of good personal hygiene and an active lifestyle, taking daily swims in the canal just behind their home and making sure that his feathers are kept nice and clean at all times.

Unfortunately, this charming family life didn’t last and sometime after two years, tragedy struck. While the boys were in school, AB’s mum received a call from a neighbour whose dog was best pals with Saturnin with bad news - the two pals were play-flighting, and Saturnin being what he is, pecked at the dog. Canine friend decided to return the move, only the bite on the duck’s neck turned out to be a fatal move, and that was the sad end of the well loved Saturnin. AB’s mum didn’t have the heart to break the news to the two boys, and told them that it likely found a girlfriend and flew away to travel the world together. It was only revealed to them not too long ago, the truth to the demise of their beloved pet.

While this was a tale with a sad ending, it was so sweet to hear about their encounters and friendship. At the heart of it, what really struck me was AB’s mum’s tenderness towards the boys - that sensitivity to their feelings and protecting them from learning grief at a young age is quite touching. I had to deal with loss when my grandfather passed away when I was two, so I could understand why she did that. That’s the extent of a mother’s love. :)

The self-praise expert

The other day, AB skimmed through my Luxembourg entries and couple more of my posts, then sniggered, "Your blog is mostly about you saying how great you are and how much you like being by yourself and being in your own head!"

Pfffft. He remarked that in half-jest, and I didn't take offense (used to his so-called sense of humour by now), but then when I checked through my posts, those are definitely recurring themes. :p

Hmmm.

For a nano second, I seriously pondered if I was perhaps one of those deluded narcissists who think they are nice well-loved individuals but actually deplorable self-centred nuisances.

My conclusion? I'm just a well-adjusted introvert who has a healthy dose of self-awareness, and prefers to see the positive in everything, herself included.  Pretty certain that these positive thoughts are way better than reading rants and grouses, no? At least so far, I've yet to hear any complaints about my self-exhortations. In fact most of my friends love me enough to even further fan those affirmations. *raises brows*

Then, there's that age-old argument that "It's my space so I have full right to decide what I write about." You, dear reader on the other hand, equally possess the right to choose not to read if my content irks you for whatever reason. I've always believed that to be the basis of a writer-reader relationship. So there. #sorrynotsorry

Ah well, I guess that's what you get when an introvert is dating an extrovert, we give each other the opportunity to see what it's like on the other side of the spectrum. ;)

The one that got away: the man child

Disclaimer: In case you missed my "introduction" to this series, read here for the context of why I named it so. 

Somehow, I thought it would be apt for my first entry to be about Z - after all, he was the one I was dating shortly after I started this blog all those years ago. He was also the reason I stopped blogging back then, and announced that I would no longer update.

Why a man child? Simply because this was a full grown man, clearly intelligent and a strong performer in his career, with a nice close-knit group of friends who are of decent character and upbringing. Yet, he has the emotional intelligence of a child - to be more specific, a brat.

This is a man who used to throw tantrums over the most ridiculous things, simply because he wanted to be cajoled. He turned up at gatherings with my friends with nary an attempt at getting to know them better, and even worse, showed a sourpuss face the entire time, answering any questions aimed at getting to know him better with short one-worded grunts. After two or three of these occurrences, I stopped asking him to come along, upon which he then flies into a rage whenever I met them instead of spending time with him. Essentially any behaviour of mine that doesn't seem to put him as my number 1 priority drew the question, "If you really love me, why would/wouldn't you do that?" Yes, really. I should also point out that while he felt entitled to be rude to my friends, I was expected to turn up for his outings and be nice to his mates. Double standards much? Yep, many times over.

He knew I had this blog, and would often check and read it not only out of interest about my thoughts and writing, but to question me about the most random things I wrote which somehow offended and supposedly were "attacks" on him. Needless to say, when he discovered that I had one other blog on which I use to track my workouts as well as post other content more personal than what's shared here, he completely lost it for an entire week. Well, thank goodness he didn't read those locked entries which are not visible - love Livejournal's function for that, when people won't even know if you posted content not meant for their viewing. Hurhurhur. But yes, that was what brought about me "suspending" this content - I just no longer had the energy to defend accusations that I was posting "pseudo" content here so that he wouldn't know to look for my other blog and posts. Zzzz.

Is it curious why I stuck with this dude for a painful four years since I was clearly not brimming over with happiness? Yes definitely, and I sometimes still feel like knocking myself on the head for not leaving three months into it when his tyrannical nature started rearing its ugly head. Yet, I guess it's an experiment or challenge of sorts to me - we met at a time when I was seriously questioning myself on my inability to stay in a relationship, having dated and left four guys before him. I looked at the happy relationships around me and wondered if I was really just unlucky with men, or was I the real problem, that I didn't try hard enough to commit to making it work. And that's what I did with Z. It all kinda worked, until one day when I realised that my reaction to a slight suspicion that he might propose marriage soon, was one of horror and paralysing fear.

My "fight or flight" instincts kicked in, and I was overcome by the urge to run away as far as I could, so I could have the headspace and distance to sort myself out. Didn't matter that we were long-distance at the time, I needed to get away from everything. That was my very first trip to the States, and it was definitely what I needed. I went around mostly on my own, spending hours walking around just checking shops out and sitting in cafes with a cuppa, no firm agenda in mind, just countless conversations with myself. It was the therapy I needed, to acknowledge to myself that YES, I am capable of committing to a relationship no matter what, but it really needs to be the right person. It's kinda not worth all that sacrifice if you can't even muster a modicum of decent respect, affection or trust with your partner. Obviously in this case, it was Z.

Once that was all figured out, I called it out with him over the phone, and for the first and last time, refused to back down from his threats, tantrums, blackmail, nasty comments, and finally sweet-talking promises to change his ways. No more, dude. I had enough. It took a good six months for us to finally, officially call it quits, which is exactly how headstrong and persistent Z is, and why I was often worn down in the past to just give in and stay, but having cleared the cobwebs from my mind, I wasn't going to let him win another battle of wills. To this day, I still feel immense relief that I am no longer with him, as do the closest friends, and that is the best proof that it's the right decision I made.

And thus, I concluded that I am just indeed unlucky with men, but that's really ok too. I don't need one, as much as I needed to be happy. That, I can do, and quite well too by myself. :)

The early Valentine's dinner

I'm not one of those girls to whom Valentine's Day is a huge deal and expect to be showered with flowers and gifts on the day, who get upset when that doesn't happen.

That said, neither am I one of those who absolutely abhor the commerciality of it all, and refuse to be part of any of the celebrations. Hurhur. 

I am very much a believer that being appreciative and romancing your partner on any given day is much more important than making grand gestures during those designated "big" occasions in a year. By that same breath, I don't believe in completely ignoring the day, especially if I'm in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with putting some extra effort into spending time together from time to time. 

Funnily enough, AB, being the expert expectations manager he is, had managed to condition me to expect nothing from him this year. He had to be away for our first Valentine's last year, and when I teased him about having abandoned me for the past Christmas, New Year's and then Valentine's, he had shown me a black face and gotten upset that I placed more emphasis on that than his everyday considerations. Zzzz. 

So since we had spent the last Christmas and New Year already, AND he was going to be away on a work trip on V-day this year, I naturally expected nothing from the dude. Imagine my surprise when he proposed going for a dinner on Sunday evening the week before, and even specified that it was to be our early celebration. 

Hurhurhur. Of course I wouldn't say no to a chance to dress up and go out for a nice dinner. 

So we did. Scrubbed up and took a bit more care in dressing for the occasion, then went for a pretty yummy dinner over a bottle of delicious Merlot. 

There were no flowers or gifts, but I did appreciate the thought behind it. On my part I had accepted that it's a "no deal" (not even small deal) for him, and on his part, he showed acknowledgement that I just wanted some form of appreciation and exhibition of affection. I found it endearing that we both made attempts to compromise and meet halfway.

That's the real reason this warranted a post on the occasion - a reminder of how much I am at peace and happy in this current relationship. In many instances we are chalk and cheese, but fundamentally, we share that same mutual respect and consideration, and see each other both as an individual we admire, and a partner in this together. 

It doesn't take work, although it takes effort, but when you have your heart in it, it's not very hard, nor painful at all. 

We may be different in our interests, but we do share a healthy love of good food. Heh.

Introduction: The one that got away

While brainstorming blog ideas, I recalled that I promised to provide more juicy details on my relationships over the past years, since I attempted, then gave up on giving something more than a general, rather vague summary of what had gone down during my dormant absence.

Funnily enough, given all my reservations to not overshare online, the idea of doing so doesn't scare or repulse me. I guess I trust myself enough to know what I can share and what I won't, and I'm quite happy to also wax lyrical about some of my musings and contemplations, as I am inclined to do anyway.

So here we are. :)

It won't be heavy or emo, and I'd very much like to keep my tone lighthearted for the most part, since like Richard Fish in Ally McBeal says, "Bygones." It's all in the past now. Whatever pain and anguish I suffered or  was subjected to, we have both moved on, so it's really a waste of time and energy to still be miserable over what's done and dusted. 

(Of course I made it sound like it was all the other person's fault. I'm an angel! Best girlfriend ever that I'm sure they regret not being able to keep. Plus it's my blog so I'm entitled to subject you to my biaised point of view, no? Heeheehee.)

With all that, you may be wondering about the theme of these posts: "The One that Got Away", which in its conventional use has that tone of wistfulness about it. Huh. Heh, just to clarify that this "One" refers to me, instead of said ex-es whom I will be writing about (sorry, not sorry! Heehee). 

How so? Because when I reflect on all these failed relationships and where I am now in my life, current relationship and everything else, I did feel like I lucked out in them not working out. I can't see myself in a better place than I am at the moment, and in many parts, it was those failures that drove me to become the person I am, someone I love, respect and admire (sometimes) so much more than before all those escapades eventuated. 

So brace yourselves, sit back with a cuppa when you see posts like this. I promise I will try to be entertaining and not bore you with melancholy and bitterness. :)

P/S: Apologies if I sound borderline manic here, am writing this pre morning coffee and that can make me sound a tad psychotic sometimes. :p

Loves: lost and found

Disclaimers: 
1. This post is probably not what you may think it is, based on the title.
2. Technically, it's not "found", more like "given". But it flows better when I phrase it like that. :D

On my flight up to Luxembourg, I had absentmindedly misplaced my trusty bluetooth headphones, and only realised it while I was on my second leg of the flight (ie on another plane to my destination). I was rather dismayed to say the least, when I found out. Those earphones had been one of my trusty companions for the gym sessions that I had been really getting back into, and made the greatest difference in keeping those workouts fun and focused. Needless to say, I was pretty gutted, but since there was nothing I could do about it, I tried to brush it off. I can always get another pair of those. I also consoled myself that I probably wouldn't feel the loss too much for now, since the chances of me needing them during my stay is quite low.

Love lost. :( 

Then at Christmas, AB surprised me with an iPod Touch, which I had offhandedly mentioned to him months ago that I was contemplating on getting to serve some of the non-essential functions on my memory-space-challenged phone, just to save some of the usage on that gadget - things like music, Youtube, instagram and other apps which have nothing to do with calls and messages. I wasn't keen on changing phone since it still works well and I do like it beyond the annoyance with space. Because this was such a frivolous want, I had put it on my wishlist to be fulfilled some time this coming year, but I had completely not expected AB to quietly take note and get it for me. Bonus? He got it in that cheery shade of pink that I love, too. : )

Three weeks on, I am really enjoying this new toy - I have forgotten how much more of a breeze it is to acquire and load music on Apple gadgets (I use a Mac laptop and previously had an iPhone, before I jumped ship to Android for my current phone). It's so much easier and quicker, which I'd admit has motivated me to update my song collections so much more. It's rather nifty for running and the gym as well, being very lightweight and compact. I've really enjoyed using all those apps while setting my phone aside too - it keeps me more focused on whatever I was doing, without the distractions of calls and more importantly, messages. Pretty amazing how small things like these can make a significant difference in helping one to stay mindful and just.. present.

Love found - Ok fine, given. It doesn't replace what's lost but comes bearing joy and beauty of its own. :)

New love ^^

Of first impressions: Luxembourg

The 18 days in Luxembourg fleeted past, not in a blink, but at a deliciously leisurely pace. When it was time to go, I was a little wistful, but also immensely happy with this holiday.

While three weeks is hardly enough for one to claim to know a place, my impression of this country is that of one which is really easy to like - the pace of life may seem slower than that at home, but from the conversations with AB and his friends, it's clear that they are by no means laid back. People here work hard too, except that outside of work, there is much more space (literally and figuratively speaking) to breathe, and an abundance of nature to appreciate. Of course, you do need to actually like being out in the cold, otherwise you will quite likely get bored rather easily, being confined indoors for probably the better part of the year. Me, I love the cold (the irony of growing up in a country of eternal summer), so I absolutely thrive in this environment.

Most of our days were spent with AB's family, and I was glad to have done so in the midst of the Christmas and New Year celebrations. While being physically with family for nearly a month is bound to bring out some tensions and conflicts, it's generally jovial and the spirit is mostly of thanksgiving, to have each other, and to be able to spend the festivities together. While I don't know for sure AB's family's impressions of me, I am quite confident that they at least don't detest me, heh. Pretty sure I didn't come off as a rude snobby brat, and I thank my upbringing for that. Language is a barrier to really getting to know each other, and hopefully the next time we meet I can carry on more meaningful exchanges with them beyond the daily greetings and the occasional faltering but interesting dialogues.

All in all, it was an awesome trip where I rested, ran, wrote, played, ate, drank and slept very well, in my favourite kind of weather, all while getting to spend lots of quality time with the man, and got to know his family better too.

It was so lovely to meet you for the first time, Luxembourg. I hope you liked me too, and I look forward to seeing you again in the hopefully not too distant future.

My daily view

First run of 2017

Also known as my very first time running in the snow. Well, more accurately, it's on snow, since it was just a very thin layer, and in many patches, it had already melted.

It was so much fun!

I was all ready to just head out in the same ensemble I had donned to run in NYC's Central Park when it was the same 0-1 degree-C temperature (pants, running singlet and a thick wind-proof jacket), but the over protective boyfriend was having none of that. So on went a pair of running gloves and a bright red ski jacket of his. :p

I'd admit that it kept me snug as a bug and probably lessened the coldness I felt by at least 20 percent. I looked pretty ridiculous, but then the advantage of being in a foreign land meant nobody could recognise me. Given how bundled up I was, I was fairly sure that people who might know me wouldn't know it's me if we meet, either. Heh.

Running is the easiest choice of exertion over here, since I obviously have no access to weights and I conveniently forgot to bring my trusty TRX along (ahem, tends to happen when you do last minute packing - there is bound to be one or two non-essentials that get omitted! Oops). No matter, it's the ideal choice anyway, to maximise that breathtaking landscape. The only thing is you kinda need to get out early, no later than 5pm, unless you are really prepared to run in darkness and much lower temperature.

As much as I often jibe at AB for being disgustingly fitter than me (he barely breaks a sweat or gets out of breath when we go running as he matches my pace, ugh), I do enjoy running with him very much, especially on countryside runs like this where he probably knows his way even blindfolded (an exaggeration, but probably only a slight one) - the man knows his directions well, and had different routes in his repertoire, so I am assured of a variety of scenery each time, with no fear of getting lost. All I needed to do was to focus on keeping up, while enjoying the aesthetics before me.

For this run, we covered just over 10km in roughly an hour, with some slight slopes that were just enough for the heart to pump hard, but not threaten to jump out of my throat. We even took some moments to pause and take in the expanse of snow, skies and trees at some points. AB, who usually rolls his eyes at my inclination to take pictures of anything that caught my fancy, even obliged me with some photos taken on his phone cam so I can have them for memory's sake (I didn't have my phone with me). Hehe.

It was a perfect first run for the year. It felt really good to hear the feet crunching in the snow, and even the slightly scary parts where the paths were wet and you could feel yourself slip ever so slightly with each step and needed to be on high alert, were pretty fun to add a bit of thrill to the activity. Not to mention that it was a nice distance, too. Decent mileage that didn't exhaust me too much.

Mis-matched, don't care

Treated to a lovely sunset

To more runs together!

Snow, snow and more snow

missing routine

While I'm not exactly a sms-fanatic, I use it quite often, more for the convenience it offers than anything.

Not surprisingly, the bf is the most frequent recipient I text throughout the day, mostly of the most random stuff. It's become a daily habit to send my first sms of the day to him on the way to work, and before I turn in at night. In between interspersed others too, mostly of mundane stuff like confirmation of plans and such.

I've gotten so used to it that it's become very much auto-pilot, something I do without much thought.

So with his mobile misplaced yesterday morning, I found myself feeling a bit lost at times, not being able to text him whenever I want. Even if it's for things of little importance.

I'm amused at the irony - how the presence is often overlooked, and only missed when it's gone. I hardly had to think much about it when I went about texting usually, and yet when I no longer do it, the absence shouts out like a glaring blob.

A good reminder it is, to cherish what we have while it's there. That shall be my food for thought today, as I miss the routine a little, and miss him a little more. :p

crossed over

Today, I officially step over that midpoint between 20s and 30s.

I shan't call it the 'wrong side of 25', cos I don't dread it, this shortened distance to the big three-O. Not really. I'd prefer to think that I've grown and matured in my own time, and the future promises so much in store. It's exciting, and kind of thrilling too.

Today, I smiled at the well wishes that flooded my inbox at the struck of midnight and throughout the day.

Some I have known for years, and I'm glad that we're still part of each other's lives and thoughts. Some I have just gotten to know, and I'm thankful for the budding friendships forged. These are the things that really matter, not whether lines and wrinkles are appearing, or work that drains or jades one's spirits.

Today, I spent the day with my love, simply but happily.

There was no need for any grand plans to please me. Just the reminder that I'm so deeply loved, by spoiling me with that extra bit of patience. I love all the pressies, and the most precious is your company, that priceless quality time.

Today, I crossed over that invisible line, with contentment and bliss. :)

knuckled

Fri night dinner was birthday celebrations for one of the bf's buddies from high school days - thoughtfully organised by his utterly delightful babe of a girlfriend. The sweet gal sneakily called his pals and coordinated this get-together with the respective partners invited as well.

Dinner was German fare at Brotzeit, Vivocity. I say she made a good choice, as it seemed just the perfect place for the group. While it was more of a bar than restaurant, with noisy music and chatter, having to raise your voices to be heard across the table, the boys were all too happy to not have to bother about getting too boisterous or rowdy, haha.

I arrived late, when most have placed their dinner orders. And the moment I sat down, the bf breezily informed me that he's ordered dinner to share, rattling off various items smoothly in German. All I had to do was order a lager, and wait for the food to come. This I was too pleased with, seeing the mindboggling names on the menu that rendered me lost. The bf, on the other hand, was well-acquainted with the food and language, having spent a semester there on exchange.

He ordered schäuferla, which was surprisingly not listed on the menu, took just over an hour to prepare. It was well worth the wait though - roasted to a delicious crisp brown, the meat was tender, the skin crunchy, and the fats melt-in-your-mouth. Accompanied with tangy sauerkraut and mash on the sides, it was satiating and not cloying. For that evening, I abandoned my calorie-phobia at the door and dug in to enjoy the meal, guilt oblivious. :p

The gang of them are close pals who meet up at least once every weekend, for intellectual stimulation (read: mahjong), sports (soccer) and entertainment (EPL and drinking sessions). While I usually have not much common topics with them, seeing that I don't play mj, and am pretty clueless at soccer (though I at least know what off-side means, I think), am usually happy to sit there in silent observance of their unpretentious men talk and goofy banter - this group who have witnessed one another at his best and worst, know all the embarrassing moments and naughty escapades.

It also helps that, coming from the same high school, they have the typical mannerisms that this bemusedtots is not unfamiliar with, and thus were on a wavelength and frequency that I could easily attune to.

Such nights, I like. It envelopes me, this certain quiet pleasure from included in other parts of his life, even on the sidelines, and seeing other sides of this love of mine.

[pleased]

simple joys

after a long day at work, all it takes are lil things to lift the corners of my lips..

taking a slow, drowsy bus ride, alone with my thoughts, a book, my ipod..

arranging a date without an inkling of the timing, and having everything fall into place..

having dinner at a kopitiam chanced upon in an area we seldom go to, bantering over bat kut teh and drinks..

strolling to the bus stop after dinner, laughing over silly jokes, our fingers interlocked..

and another long bus ride home, but this time not alone..


that's all it takes, really. :)

sometimes

sometimes, he drives me up the wall with his offhand tendencies to pick on the littlest details.

sometimes, he reduces me to tears in exasperation with our too-constant bickering.

sometimes, he makes me want to throttle him when he stubbornly digs his heels in and refuse to concede to logic.


yet.


sometimes, he warms my heart with the smallest gesture that gives away how much he really cares.

sometimes, he awes me with how quickly he catches on, and the extent of his intellect.

sometimes, he makes me just wanna hide in his arms, away from the world.


he flings me high up, though he crashes me down hard.

this man, I heart.

that heady feeling called lurrrve

Was intrigued by this on the menu last night, listed as intermezzo. My first time trying this, and what an experience.

Boy was it potent - each mouthful sent icy shots of alcohol into my system. I could almost feel it rushing into my blood. Not unlike sipping very nicely chilled bubbly.. A nice idea I must say.

A nice touch to our first Vday celebration.

Yeah, commercialised it was, and ripped off we were, but the company made it more than worth the while, by miles and yards.. :) Though credit has to be granted to the venue, who interspersed surprises throughout the night - from complimentary wine, to roses, perfume, polaroids, and to top it off, a pair of movie tix. It helped that the food was pretty good too - highlights were fresh sashimi, foie gras and some pretty decent ice-cream. Mmm.

At the end of the day, the food, the service, the ambience didn't really matter. Our gifts to each other were more practical than frivolous, but methinks tis a kind of sweetness that comes from knowing each other's needs. That undescribeable feeling of growing in love, as rough edges of two starkly contrasting personalities smoothen and fit into place. It's been a tumultuous ride, but that only made the smoothening out all the sweeter.

And I shall endeavour to bear all these in mind the next time we fight. :p

Happy Valentine's, dear.. Ü