too smooth

I've always prided myself on being quite a "gritty" individual, who is resilient and adaptable to change.

After all, most things I've achieved in my nearly 40 years of existence have been accomplished through working hard and putting in the effort and sticking with the end goal in mind. I could barely remember any incidence where anything was handed to me on a platter. Mind you, I say that with no measure of resentment though (well maybe just a teeny bit). I love that I have the drive to be what I want to be, to be able to say that I've worked for nearly everything, material or not, that I have.

Lately however, I keep feeling that grit smoothening out. It's like what happens to sandpaper when you keep using it - even the toughest ones will lose that abrasiveness. It just seems more and more like a chore to muster up that "hustle", quieten the ever rambling mind and just zero in on what needs to be done, step by step, task by task.

It's just too easy to let the cheeky procrastination monkeys take over and rampage all over the overcrowded to-dos packed in this tiny brain of mine.

It's a battle that I used to win much more easily, this internal fight between the sensible adult and the petulant child. How is it that as I get older, that inner brat seems to be triumphing over the inner voice of reason? TSK.

It's almost like I've achieved that outer level of ultimate Zen, where nothing fazes me. Not even when time is running out and I have a trillion things to do.

I need to rekindle that sense of mild panic, if only for the purpose of spurring me into actual action, and not just idly watching and deciding to settle for less - achieve less, do less, care less.

Guess that's that infamous mid-life crisis?

It's no way to live, all that time wasted away on meaningless drivel when it could have been utilised either doing activities that actually bring joy, or improve oneself. Time is no longer a luxury and I really need to learn to use it more prudently.

When all the previously tried and tested methods to beat this inner evil sloth fail, it simply means it's time to try out some new approaches and motivational methods.

Not giving up. You can hide, but I will find you, grit. And have fun doing it. Just you wait.

See you, eventually, if not soon.