Saturday, December 31, 2022

2022: Of losses and gains

That truly sums up this year for me. 

It's an understatement to say it's been a big year for me. Fairer descriptions would include monumental, epic, pivotal (eww), dramatic, earth-shattering, etc. You get the gist. Definitely one for the books and not for the faint of heart. 

Grief featured prominently for me this year (9 out of 12 months counts as prominent, methinks) and in the form of some huge (and some near) losses. Some I've had time to mentally prepare for, like losing my dad to cancer; and others were sprung upon me like a rug being pulled out from right under my feet. There's no way to determine which is the lesser of two evils - both are equally undesirable circumstances that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. 

With the grief comes heartbreak and sadness perpetuated by too many tears shed, and there were moments that just felt like endless stretches of darkness where I felt like couldn't see anything even if I held my hand up to my face. I caught brief glimpses of what it's potentially like for a person stuck in chronic depression, and it was truly a dismal feeling that just sucks all the life out of you. I really feel for people who have to endure this for extensive periods - that is certainly not a sustainable way to exist.  

But the eternal optimist in me always prevails. Or rather, I always refuse to just let a negative situation be just that - there has to always be something(s) good coming out of it to not make all the pain a waste.


What makes this year the biggest one ever (so far) in my life, was all the love, light, sunshine, starbursts and rainbows that came through. They shone even more brightly next to the darkness and I truly felt more alive than ever at the end of it. I learnt lessons like how strong I truly am, resolved some deep-seated resentment and issues I had with my dad before he passed, picked up cycling in a way I never imagined I could/would (and fell crazy in love with it), and finally, properly learnt to love life savoring every moment and sunny day that comes by. 

Through it all, I was reminded once again, that I was never alone - that I was so blessed to have such an amazing group of friends, always there for me in their different ways. More incredibly, these are friendships of varying vintages, from the ones I've grown up with since we were toddlers/teens, to friends made while we were all young adults learning to navigate adulthood, and even new friends whom I've only gotten to know in the past year or so. 

Yet, all of them were equally protective, fiercely so, unwaveringly loyal, and steadfastly committed to wrapping me tightly in their love and concern, in their individual unique manner. 

I'd like to think that good fortunes aside, I must be at least a pretty decent friend to them too, to deserve such love. :D

This year, I have so much to give thanks for, and I end it with the most immense gratitude in my heart and from deep, deep in my soul. 

Dear friends (and self), thank you for loving me so much and so well. May we all thrive together for the new year.
You truly are the best things in life. I love you. See you in 2023. 

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