Tuesday, November 15, 2005

One Year Ago...

Recollection: An entry I wrote in Multiply just over a year ago.. Glad I'm out of that dark age now, even though there are still times when I can identify with various parts of the rantings.. :p

My mind is in overdrive again.. Haven't been myself lately, and I hate it when my mood goes on a trapeze craze like this..

Isn't it amazing how one thought can lead to another, and before you know it, your mind is permeated with a seemingly tangled mess of various tots.. most often apparently random but usually with some bizarre link or relevance that probably makes sense to a select few, if not you alone? I'm often fascinated by the irony of how one can feel alone in a crowd, or how it is in the quietest still nights that my mind is a chaos of roaring tots.. and how, in some of my worst days when everything seems to go wrong, that I end up feeling amused just after being on the verge of tears..

Question: which is worse - obliviously sinking into a spell of depression or consciously aware of every slow, helpless slip into the dark mood spiral.. Is it more painful to feel the descent? Or is it better that you at least get the chance to attempt to fight it.. to struggle against what is threatening to drown you in misery? Is ignorance really bliss? Sometimes I really do envy those who do not see beyond the surface of things, or are too caught up in themselves to pay much heed to the world around them.. Foolish or frivolous as they may be peceived by others, they might possibly be happier as the depths of their troubles or worries could only go so far.. They see what they want to see, believe wat they want to believe.. or perhaps it's not a choice to them.. it's just their way of life.. Oh well, as usual, at the end of the day, I'm still glad that I have the choice to either engage in thoughtful examination or jus be flighty and the hell with deeper truths. That said, does that mean that it's often my choice to be miserable or depressed? Hmm, perhaps..

Alright, shall end off here.. Enuff ramblings for the day.. And trust me, you have my heartfelt sympathies for being subjected to that entire pile of thoughts u jus endured.. Heh. That's a peek into what it's like in my mind a lot of times these days.. :p

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