Theme 2017: Control

I'm one of those annoying individuals who start the year with a hefty list of resolutions, all bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to conquer the world (or just my tiny little one). That said, I say with some degree of pride that I also belong to that minority who actually managed to achieve most of their resolutions. Not all of them of course - I like to aim high, so it's inevitable that some things will fall short despite my best intentions.

I haven't always been that successful though. One main reason behind the great hit rate in recent years is a new(ish) habit I have cultivated of setting a theme of sorts for the year in recent years. The process of determining a key focus helps me to identify the main changes I wanted to effect in various aspects of my life, and sets the tone for my resolutions. It helped to keep me focused and on track to achieve most of what I'd like to improve on in the ever-ongoing journey of bettering myself.

First, a quick recap of the year past. Like I've mentioned before, 2016 was all about mindfulness, and while I have made some good progress on that front, it is still very much work-in-progress and something I am continually trying to get better at. To accomplish that, I decided that I needed to really centre in on my key weakness, and that's how theme 2017 was borne - "Control".

Ah, control. That one thing that I crave and dread at the same time. I confess that it's what I battle with on a daily, if not hourly basis. It can be exasperating having the countless debates with that lazy delinquent sloppy inner me who is probably eternally 3 years old, only wanting to play and not do anything constructive every second of the day. On the other end of the spectrum, I feel so awesomely invincible on days when I am truly in my element, breezing through all the plans I had set out to do, sparing nary a glance at distractions that threaten to derail my goals. Those days, I feel so powerful I could almost feel the wing beneath my wings.

Yet, all too often I lose that tug of war, and wind up feeling defeated and resentful for my failures, most sore because it was all me and nothing else that hindered my progress. UGH. It truly sucks to feel like I've squandered precious hours or days that could have been of so much more value than doing mindless bimbo stuff, or just, nothing.

I guess the one positive quality I can credit my inner spoilt brat is that it certainly is strong-willed. :p

Anyways. That's that. And I'm rather tired of feeling like I'm wasting my life away, simply due to my character defect, and not because I am actually incapable of achieving those aims. So there, I have committed 2017 to seriously declaring war on that si gi na - I am too old for this shit. And there's too much I want to do.

Take that, 2017. I will win this one. ;)