Thursday, October 20, 2005

Signs of Obsession

1. Calorie counting
When I develop an inbuilt, instinctive inclination to count calories. Looking out for labels first thing when I pick up any food item when grocery shopping, foraging for food in the kitchen, tinking of wat to have for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack! Mentally calculating how many of those evil Cs I'm consuming. It's pretty scary sometimes..

Example 1: Getting a drink
At the hawker, my preferred drink nowadays is Coke Light, which wins even Green Tea. It's unbeatable. What can beat <1kcal?? :p
At home, coffee wins over milo or hot choc. Why? Cos 90 kcal is less than 140kcal. Simple maths.

Example 2: Meal out
Catch myself trying to estimate the no of kcal any food item has, and resenting it that hawker food has no nutri table like Mac's! Can't believe I can say this offhand: 6-pc Fish McDippers = 266kcal, Nuggets = 290 kcal, Egg McMuffin = 290kcal, Hash Brown = 130kcal etc.. The others? Not within consideration mostly, cos they exceed 350kcal usually. :P

My sis is accusing me of rubbing this cal-counting off on her. Bleahs..

Oh yes, not finished yet! Got input mus tink of output too! When I start trying to estimate the no of kcal I just burnt after a run/swim/stretch, it can get a bit scary sometimes even for myself. Time taken, distance, intensity, heartrate?!?! *shudders*

2. Working out is no longer just an optional item on my to-do list
When I find myself getting restless/stressed/guilty/anxious when I have not been fulfilling the plans I made to work out for the week, and I feel happy when tuition is cancelled during weekdays cos that means I can go home early and run!
And when 2.6km is inadequate, 5.2km is optimal, and 10km is the SHORT-TERM aim.
Or how about alighting a few bus stops early to walk to the train station each morn, not cos it's faster, but cos it's healthier. And feeling glad that my office is like 7 min walk from the station?!

3. Indulgences
When I feel resentful after an unsatisfying meal, not jus simply cos it did not taste good, but also feel as though it's wasted my kcal consumption. Rationale: already limited kcal intake, then still wasted on not-nice food. bleahs.
And when I can buy a pack of chips/crackers happily from the supermart, go home, and leave it there for weeks without touching it. Tink I'm getting to the state that Zhen described, where we suppressed our cravings so much that we no longer desire the item.

Sigh, thankfully I know I'm still very much in balance, in the sense that I still indulge in the occasional cheesecake, chocolates, chips, Mac's breakfast (even though I onli eat Egg McMuffin now - no prizes for guessing correctly why). But tink the good thing I see about the way things are now is that while it's certainly becoming very much a part of my life, I dun get motivation from thoughts that I'm fat, but more from seeing the results, and getting compliments which means that it must b working to my advantage, as I look better and am healthier. Right..? Sigh, who would have thought I would arrive at this stage? I wonder if every girl goes thru the same phase of happily enjoying her food, relishing watever she likes, only to change and adapt when reality sets in. I do miss the carefree days sometimes.. Tink I enjoy eating more then. But I suppose it's always a case of give n take, even more when coming to terms with the fact that my metabolism is just not one of those enviably astronomical ones.

Well, guess the most important thing is tat at the end of the day, I can say I'm happy with myself, and that at least it's not the only thing I base my self-worth on. All said, hope this post does not freak any loved ones out ya.. Dun worry about me, and do trust that I know my limits. :)


Anonymous said...

Oh no!! Don't let Zhen spread the diet virus to all of you!!! Just eat and enjoy, at the same time, enjoy your exercise too. I think as long as we are healthy, a little bit of excuss fats is ok. Otherwise, we sisters can always organize some exercise thingy like cycling or swimming on weekends right?

b.muse said...

Haha thanks Tian.. No worries, still love my food, and try to run every other day too. Just that bz with tuition these days so quite sian. Planning 2 go gym more when my students' exams are over n more free.=)The weekend sessions sound gd though! Shall org when I feeling hardworking k? ;)

nottoz said...

Oh hoho I understand that process so well! Like counting calories and remembering how many calories the food comprise. I even went to the extent of deducting the calories of mayonaise from Filet-O-Fish burger to derive its true caloric content. After sometimes you can even make estimations of all kinds of food.

But now I go a little easier on myself, choosing healthier food or going for vegan meals, not because they are less fattening, but at least they pose less of a "danger".

Good that you still sustain your balance and know your limits. There is always the tendency to go a step too far, just be conscious of it and will do! :)

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, YES, Jun, I know how you feel! We were juz talking about it the other day! =p But yupz, mtoivated more by the results than anything else! =>