Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Another melancholic day..

Hate days like that when I feel lost and moody, caught up in a whirlpool of dark contemplations and painful realisations.. In some strange way this is kinda like a delayed reaction. Just feeling sian. Taking this entry as an outlet for my sian-ness tat I just wanna unload, but not onto anyone in particular. So if you're one of the unlucky readers who chanced upon this entry.. Apologies. :p

Been attending a few social gatherings these days.. And going thru evolving moments of happily spending time with closed frens, awkward co-existence with acquaintances that I either dun really noe or dun really wish to speak to, nostalgia inspired by the sight of ppl who are related to other ppl whom I wish to keep my mind off, analysis of wat I am vs wat i wanna be.. It feels surreal sometimes, cos I was in joyful occasions (bday celebration, reunions, baby "man yue" celebration etc) and yet at times feel so detached, lost in my observations of the ppl ard and in some weird dissonant mood that starkly contrasts with the atmosphere.

There are times when I just dunno myself, or try to sort out my tots and musings, only to end up feeling worse or more lost. And this is one of them.. Sians. =(

"Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow..."

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